please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
