A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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