it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
