He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
please don't ironically join a cult
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