I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
