I think I died a long time ago.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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