Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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