I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
