I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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