I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So much Jack, so little girl.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
