Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
