Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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