loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This baby is an asshole
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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