I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Randomize
