coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
