I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
