It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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