you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize