she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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