I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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