If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
