dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
