just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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