I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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