i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
