I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
