I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
