I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
