Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
