Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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