I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Someone shattered a urinal.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
