it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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