his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
