You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm both gender and math confused
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
