I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
