Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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