we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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