She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
