Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
