My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
