ya dads aren't the best wingmen
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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