just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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