This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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