Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
