have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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