the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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