Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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