i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
