you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
