trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
