so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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