Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
