there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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