So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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