WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
