There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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