Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
