Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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