More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
