my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
