So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
