sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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