butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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