i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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