Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
