Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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