Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
