I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
