I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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