he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
