She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
