i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
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