I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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