Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
well I can't set my house on fire every night
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
