Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just had sex on a roof
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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