He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
well you can't waste a boner
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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