You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Nicole vs. Life
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize