She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize