It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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