I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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