a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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