i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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