Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
