my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
