And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
