The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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