Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
