Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
