I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
