while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
