i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
