its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
