A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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