How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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