im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't deserve a penis
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
