Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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