I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
