This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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