it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
