Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
