he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
