How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
