I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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