I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize